heliopolis.

went for a jog today! grrr after such a long time. but it was kinda half-assed, I wanted to go easy on myself since I haven't gone in such a long time. i brought my Robot 3-lens lomocam along because I've wanted to take pictures along my jogging route, since FOREVER. I took a couple of bad shots, but also a couple that I'm quite excited to see. :D I guess that's the beauty of analog cameras. keeps you excited! :D

it's sad that, in a few years time, this gorgeous site will be turned into an ugly old MRT station. :( I saw someone cruising on a Harley today. (looked almost as cool/fun as a Vespa, but not quiite.) where else will he be able to cruise on his Harley?? :( and what will happen to all these people who test run their (toy) aeroplanes there?? sigh. it's so fun to look at them too. and also (I duno why the field was so happening today) there were all these Indians playing cricket on the field. I never saw so many people on the field before, I guess I should have warned them about the (rumoured) snakes. But since the grass is kept pretty short nowadays, it's not too bad...

I used to like to go off to this little dead-end, where the road just ends into this little bunch of trees, and from there you get this most INCREDIBLE view at sunrise/sunset. and it was where I liked to walk around in circles and make up my own songs (a bit random, but it was kinda fun haha). but the area is already closed off for some construction work. I was really sad, especially since I never got to take any pictures from there..

on a totally unrelated now, I have a desperate urge to play King of Fighters...RIGHT NOW!!! gahhh I need a home arcade.

( KOF geekery )

1. Turn your MP3 player to The Scientist by Coldplay.
2. Go for a run.

...I ASSURE you, you will feel like you are in your own music video!!

to add to the fun you may also like to imagine that you are moving in slow motion. and give passers-by meaningful sidelong glances. you are the protagonist here. Extra props if you can do it backwards!



I'm so glad that my mp3 player is working again. The last time I tried to run with it, it died off after a few minutes. =/ today it lasted for, like, 15 songs. or more. yay! =D haha. not bad for an iFod. also, today's run was wonderful..! I ran the usual MGS route, and not for the first time i wished i had my camera with me. it wasn't sunset exactly but the sunlight was orangey and the green leaves and grass were tipped in gold and all that poetic stuff. it was BEAUTIFUL. 

i really should make use of the opportunity and run there more often while i can, because soon the site will be turned into a great ugly MRT station. =( DARN YOU CIRCLE LINE!!

in other news, it's the HOLIDAYS and im excited to get back to drawing and there's a number of songs I really want to learn, and I mean really learn, as in good enough to play in front of someone kind of learn, including Leave Right Now by Will Young (I realised the guitar part is quite pretty) and Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Cannonball by Damien Rice.... the list goes on, actually. =))

here's to a great summer (or winter for those down under) for everyone!!

I went for a run today... after ages and ages! Partly because I needed a somewhat fresh start to the day so I can do some work, partly because I was a bit troubled. See, I had a misunderstanding. Ages ago the max brenner girls and I decided to go to the nussu pageant this saturday to support our beloved tracce. Ages ago my mum told all of us to keep the 25th to 27th free since my dad was trying to get us all tickets to go back to Jakarta for CNY, which is something I've wanted to do for a long time (be home for CNY). this saturday is the 24th. so I all along I thought everything was a-okay. then a few days ago I had a sudden, instinctive niggling suspicion that everything was too fit-perfect to be true, so I checked with my dad about the date of the flight. And he said it was saturday. (dum dum dummmmmm.) and then I told him about my plans. and he told me to talk to my mum. and i did, and she said 'i told you all saturday!' and i said 'no you said 25th-27th!' and it's really all one big misunderstanding and either one of us could have been at fault, but its probably me who heard wrongly or something. but anyway it doesnt matter.

so at first i thought ok, i guess i'll have to miss going back for CNY this year. and then i had a niggling thought: why is the pageant so important? family should come first during CNY, right. so i started feeling guilty. but then again this pageant may be one of the last times together with the girls, and i'd really hate to miss it. and i can still call home during CNY, and i can go back in June.

the more i try to think about it, the more i cant figure it out, and the more i realise im really bad at prioritising, because for me its never been a question of one thing over another. its always been whether i get to have the cake and eat it, too. i want too much...

also the thing about me is that once i think of one failure it's all one big landslide and i cant stop thinking about everything else, and i started to realise what a failure i am because the truth is, i dont think I've ever worked my hardest at anything. if I had tried harder, i might have passed my Grade 8 piano. if I had tried harder, i might have gotten a scholarship overseas. if I had tried harder, i might have made more friends in JC. if i had tried harder, i might not have made such a fool of myself at law camp, at rag, at ifg basketball. and so the list goes on and on. i realise to my dismay that maybe i dont have circumstances to blame, but only my own half-heartedness at everything that i attempt. maybe i give up too easily.

and i really have to change all that...

on one non-miserable note, i left my house for the run at a few minutes past 9.30 and i got back (after cooling down) at a few minutes past 10, which means that i took less than half an hour for the jog, which means that i might not be as unfit as i thought after all. yay! on the other hand, i did feel pretty exhausted and it was maybe half the distance i used to run so i really need to get off my lazy ass and run more while im still young and my knees arent in danger of popping when i go for a run. this brings me to think about growing old and turning 20 andd.... ok i need to stop because this start of the day feels miserable enough already.

went for a jog today. :) for the first time in possibly a month? 2 months? maybe even 3, i cant remember.

today i tried to smile at every other jogger that i passed (or passed me, rather, i was so slow). i was thinking of this quote:

I shall pass through this world but once.
Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness
that I can show to any human being,
let me do it now.
Let me not defer or neglect it,
for I shall not pass this way again.

i dont know who first came up with it, i found it while reading a random blog. =) but the last line especially has stuck with me. now i find it a biiit easier to say 'why the hell not?' and just do something weird/crazy once in a while. so i did the smiling thing. unfortunately it was dark so probably no one saw it, or i never saw them smile back. =/

anyway, the playlist! =D got good songs all the way t'day =)

John Mayer - Waiting on the World to Change
Train - Drops of Jupiter
Justin Timberlake feat. Snoop Dogg - Pose
Mirai - Open Up Your Mind
Jason Mraz - Curbside Prophet
Suneohair - Split
Justin Timberlake - Lovestoned
Michael Jackson - Beat It
Jay Chou - Jie Kou

could have missed a song or two in between. my memory is getting worse! =P

im ashamed. i've been so blind. blind blind blind.
Now I just want to run.

after looking since last night, I finally found my new template! Ha ha. Ok, I'm just being picky. I think I may end up changing it once a month or something, just because Livejournal has so many to choose from... T_T well anyway this time I wanted a plain black one and be environmentally friendly, because a black screen doesn't produce so much light and uses up less power... I think. Or at least, that's how Blackle works so I'm kind of getting the idea from there.

I just wish I could change the font sizes though. Gah! OK I will not be so fussy, I will not be so fussy... *chants* I guess since I'm too lazy to modify the layout with css etc I should just be happy with it. poo.

The quote below the heading is from Alfred Lord Tennyson. I couldn't put his name in because there's a character limit. Sorry, Lord Tennyson. I had a nice quote from The Time Traveler's Wife, actually, which I just finished reading, but it was too long. poo again. well I like this one too though, so I guess it's ok. =)

I've found more chords and songs to play on guitar, so that's good. Wonderwall, You And I Both, You Give Me Something, Don't Look Back In Anger... and a few more. I'm hesitating to find/learn the chords to the songs that I REALLY want to learn, because I'm scared it will be too difficult and I will resort to a 'cheap' version and that will spoil it all. I'm thinking of 'saving' them for later... Well anyway I'm being exposed to new chords, so that's a good thing... I'm not sure how much I can/will be able to improve on my own, but I'll have to try my best. although I'm extremely lazy, have little self discipline etc etc... School ends next week, and LNAT & SAT will be taken care of by then, too, so after that I can pay a visit to the Esplanade library and look at the stuff there, finally. =D

On Thursday I did a hill workout cos it was too boring to just run on the treadmill (it was raining so I couldn't go outside..). It killed my legs. Haha. Today I woke up too late so I couldn't go for a jog. Maybe this afternoon, but I have so much work to do. I want school to end but I don't want it to. sigh.

i've been going jogging... not regularly, exactly, just whenever I'm not too tired and as long as it isn't raining. Exams just ended, but my brain feels like it's been melted, because I feel so lethargic and I keep misspelling words and making typos. (and being a Typer Shark pro, I do NOT usually make typos! =( )

don't feel like talking about the jogs since nothing interesting really happened... except that the past two jogs have been particularly inspiring, for some reason! I get these bursts of inspiration halfway through. It's pretty cool. People with writer's block should go jogging. not that I was having writer's block. I don't even write. anyway. yeah. and last saturday when I went to run as I was on my way back I saw a (I think) middle-aged man running and he looks very PRO! the muscular, mr yong type. and the way he ran, although he was sweating and everything -- it looked so effortless! It looked like he was just bouncing on springs. and so I tried to imitate him, and it kind of worked. I felt really strangely light and I felt energised rather than tired. So yesterday while I ran I tried to emulate that again and it worked, at least for the first half, until fatigue really took over. so I guess it all still comes down to Fighting Fatigue.

Well what I really wanted to write about is how I'm feeling like I'm in that state of dryness once again. I can't seem to work on anything -- all I can do is run, literally and figuratively. (and even that, I don't do it that well.) I'm always unhappy with my work, my strumming, etc. I think it's because I keep comparing myself to others, which I know is bad, but I can't stop doing it. I wish I could just focus on myself, in a good way not in a selfish & selfcentred way haha, and not think about how good I am compared to others, because obviously my ability is DISMAL, why do I compare when it only makes me feel worse ha ha. 

the other thing is that I tend to imitate a lot... people that I look up to, that is. The slightest admiration makes me want to imitate them. I think I also need to find my own voice, my own ...signature? wth you call it, yeah I need to work on that. 

and about music, and guitar... it's been getting me down since forever that I'm not gifted with good ears but I guess I need to get over that. I've noticed, once I've become used to playing the basic chords, I'm kind of familiar with them and now I can sort of tell the kind of sound that each one makes. I still can't tell a C from a G, an Em from an Am, but I roughly know what kind of sound they have, what kind of 'mood' (..?) they have. what kind of feeling they convey. and that kind of makes it easier to figure out chords for basic songs and tunes and such. so I thought, if I could just familiarise myself with more chords and sounds, then maybe I can do without musical ears, you know. I can just learn to identify sounds from how they sound, although I still may not know WHAT sound it is, haha. I don't really know how to say it but I guess what I'm trying to say is, as corny as it is, what I can't do with my ears, I can learn to do it with the heart.

so I need to slowly learn more chords, more complex forms, modified chords, 'cheat' chords, how each note adds or takes away a certain sound. how every combination is different. ...all I need now is patience. and perseverance. a lot, a lot, a lot of those.

went for a jog today, since I came home quite early after consultations from 2-5pm. I had originally planned to go to the school library to get the organic chemistry book, but unfortunately I went up to see that the library was closing already... ah, well. I guess I have to pay a visit to the National Library tomorrow.

so I went for a run in the end, although I was a bit apprehensive at first since the sky looked cloudy. the weather was strangely cold, I felt like I was in puncak (the mountains in Indon) ... it was nice at first, but after a while it was really just freezing cold. Normally after a run I would go to the gym to cool down and work out a bit (haha that sounded cooler than it actually is), but today the thought of going into the air-con gym alone made me shiver, literally. I really hope it was really the weather, and not because I'm falling sick. been feeling a bit under the weather lately, sore throat and blocked nose that comes and goes, etc.

anyway, no playlist this time since I forgot to charge my mp3 player and anyway, I guess it's good to change the conditions to run in every once in a while.. variety makes it feel less tiring, somehow. I have been faithfully keeping up with my running every saturday! =) I ran the past 2 Saturdays too, just forgot to post about it. Am quite proud of myself, and I hope I can keep it up.

Btw, a few days ago I saw the ad for Run For Hope, and I got interested... I thought of taking part but the run is next Sunday! which is right-smack in the middle of my prelims. and anyway, after thinking about it I decided that given my current state of fitness I wouldn't last even the 4km one. So...next time, hopefully.

yesterday I went to run at the open space behind MGS again. I took more songs (more time) this time... dunno why my pace was so slow, maybe I was tired/lazy (most probably lazy). Ok, the playlist:

1. Jason Mraz - I Melt With You
2. James Morrison - You Give Me Something
3. some Japanese song *
4. Busted - 1985 **
5. some Keane song *** (half-walk)
6. Dishwalla - Find Your Way Back Home (walk)
7. Radiohead - High And Dry (half-walk)
8. Taylor Swift - Teardrops On My Guitar
9. ****
10. Eagles - Hotel California

* I dont know what song it is... the story goes, I plugged my mp3 to anita's laptop and asked her to help me copy nice songs, so now I have a bunch of (nice) songs that I dunno, haha.
** not sure who it's by, I think it's Busted..? (they all sound the same these days)
*** no idea of the title
**** SERIOUSLY can't remember what song was playing then

anyway, I had to cut my walking time into two other songs because I decided to walk on the field again since the weather was dry... I didn't get my shoes wet! Haha. =D and it was wonderful to be on the field! It's not totally even, it's kind of sunk down in the middle, and while I was in the middle I just looked around, and realised there was ABSOLUTELY NOBODY ELSE around me and I just felt so... FREE. And I started jumping around like a maniac, air guitaring, bobbing my head like i was at a concert. and it felt SO GOOD cos I just dont feel like I've been able to act myself for so long. and to be able to do stupid things like that, like trying to jump as high as I can, it was just liberating. there's no other word to describe it.

although it's kind of depressing to return, after that, to the world where I get pushed and prodded from all sides, all the time. still, I'm glad I had my fill of freedom. =)

OH and, recently I found the piano score of the song I've been looking for for ages... Nocturne by Chopin Opus something something hahaha. So weird, it felt like coming full circle, because I started learning piano when I was small and I loved it.. then I continued on, got a horribly unmotivational teacher and a bunch of other commitments, and as it got more pressurising I started to hate it. And now, after years of hating it, I joined guitar, fell in love with the music again, and now I'm going back to piano (though I'm still not good at it). And what more appropriate place to find the long-sought-after score than in the very folder that contains my piano records and scores from when I started out, in Indon? It was incredibly ironic yet, so cool. haha. 

So I've been practicing it.. but my sight-reading is so bad, and my memory even worse, so after two practice sessions I've only been able to grasp the first line. and it's probably the easiest part yet. Ah... but it will be super rewarding if finally, if only even after twenty years, I get to be able to play the whole song. =)

yesterday morning I went jogging to the back of MGS (hence the title) although I have no idea what the area is actually called. The road leads to a big field... just a big open space that I need to make full use of before it gets turned into another condo, or something.

anyway, decided to run with my iFod (fake iPod, haha) so here is the songs that I listened to (very random, since I can't actually choose songs on my iFod shuffle):

1. The Cranberries - Linger
2. Michelle Branch - Everywhere
3. InuYasha - I Want To Change The World
4. 3 Doors Down - Here Without You
5. Honey & Clover - Dramatic 
6. Gym Class Heroes - Cupids Chokehold
7. Spirited Away - Always With Me
8. Savage Garden - Truly, Madly, Deeply
9. Rivermaya - Balisong

I ran for 4 songs, walked during 1 song, then ran back for the other 4 songs. The first part was OK, but running back was a torture because I was already panting and everything (ugh, so unfit now =/) and the songs that were playing were so SLOW. which didn't help at all, obviously, only made me feel more tired. (especially that line in the Savage Garden song: I want to lay like this forever.... haha, made me want to collapse on the field.)

anyway, when I was taking a break to walk around upon reaching the end of the path (actually it went on, but it was looking more and more deserted and no one else ventured there so it got a bit scary and I decided to turn back) I cleverly decided to walk on the field...bad idea. especially when it's been rainy recently. lesson learnt: do not walk on the field unless I want to 1)step in a lot of portholes, and 2)get my shoes and my socks and my feet all wet. seriously.

all in all it was a really good run though, and there are quite a number of other people there, just nice, without making the place feel claustrophobic. a LOT of dog owners... nice to see so many dogs, hee. =) and I saw a few people flying airplanes on the field as well... not real airplanes, obviously, but I don't want to call them toys cos they looked pretty big and, i dunno, advanced, lol. looks like they were preparing for some airplane-making or airplane-flying contest, and it looked like they were self-made! coolio.

I think I'll run there on a more regular basis now. It's a good route to run, takes about half an hour to 45 minutes, not too tiring but not slack either, at least for my current level of fitness. and fortunately if I do become fitter and want to venture further, I've already got another destination in mind. =) but at this point this looks like the best place, and running there just felt so....argh liberating! =)) at least before I get fatigued and out of breath, ha ha.

last night at about 10.30 i started nodding off while doing my h3 tutorial, so i decided to put my things away and went to sleep. just as i got into bed, i heard my phone vibrating. but since it was an sms, i ignored it and told myself i can still read it the next morning.

so a few minutes ago, i woke up and i decided to check the phone message, and it turns out to be

"Pls pray for the korean christians in afghanistan who were doing volunteer work in the hospital. They will start to kill 9 of them at 1030 tonight. Pls pray for them n msg to as many ppl to pray so that God would strengthen them and turn the situation around. Pass the prayer chain"

I felt sick after reading that, and all I wanted to do was check the news, see if they are all right. so i went on google news and, after browsing a bit, i found this article: http://www.magicvalley.com/articles/2007/08/01/ap/international/d8qoa3t80.txt

thank goodness.

but please still pray for them. although they are still alive for now, at any moment that can change. even as i am typing this the situation could be changing. so i am appealing to you, as the IJ pastor used to say: whether you are christian, catholic, muslim, buddhist, hindu, freethinker, chicken, cockroach - please pray.

i also read another article that said that a korean christian group was the one who started passing the message to other christians to call for prayer. isnt it amazing how far it reached? ok, so maybe the christian group is pretty big and maybe they have contacts to other groups around the world, but... it's still cool.

and isn't it unreal, that as we continue our own lives in safety, there are others out there whose lives are at gunpoint? and there are others out there, the loved ones, who feel only worry and anxiety, every hour, every minute.

and from what i've read, none of the options that the US or Korean government have are that great at all. basically either meet the kidnappers' demands, or take military action. it will take a different kind of power, i think, to resolve the issue in the best way. a change of heart, maybe. something amazing.

so, please
pass the prayer chain.

The weather has been really humid lately. If it isn't raining, there will be signs of imminent rain. Not a good weather for running. I could run inside, but I don't like the treadmill cos I feel tired more quickly when I use it, I think, cos I feel like I keep running yet I'm still at the same spot (which is the whole idea of a treadmill I guess...nvm I still dont like it). 

Haha or maybe I'm just making up excuses... my motivation to continue running has been dampened along with the weather. although I just recently heard the most amazing accounts by Adrian Mok, a long distance runner who came to talk during Mr Yong's Marathon Campout. and Mr Yong himself is like an inspiration storehouse. but... haha. What with piles of homework that never seem to decrease (they keep increasing, in fact, at quite an exponential rate) and this lethargy that makes me feel tired all the time... I may be ageing prematurely haha. 

we've been playing badminton for PE though, which is a good chance to sweat (oops, I mean perspire) and move around a bit. Ironically, it's the only lesson I really look forward to now. Hopefully with the twice-weekly badminton and hopefully a jog once a week (hoping for a sunny Saturday morning, now) I'll get through the rest of the year without falling sick. Ha ha.

I've been jogging once a week since the last entry, but I just have been too lazy to post about them since I never did anything particularly outstanding and nothing interesting happened. =/

but today I just wana talk about one of my sources of inspiration nowadays - The Biggest Loser. It's a reality TV show where overweight people go to a ranch to compete to lose the most weight, i.e. to be The Biggest Loser. It's extremely underrated! it's definitely more inspirational and meaningful than other, more popular shows out there, like Survivor and The Bachelor (pfft). It's probably THE reality show with the noblest intention: to give people the opportunity and the drive to change their lives.. not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

and it's truly truly inspiring, to see all these people display such SHEER WILLPOWER. I mean, of course there are times when they break down/get lazy and stuff but it's still very cool. Just getting on the show itself is a great thing - to leave their comfort zones, away from home, family and friends, probably risking making a fool of themselves on TV... because their willingness to change themselves is so much stronger than any other thing. And someday, maybe not today, but someday, I hope to be strong enough to commit myself to changing and improving things that I don't like about my life - instead of just sitting down and weeping over it.

yup.
glad to be able to write that out. =)

I think I need to touch my guit again..I haven't been playing it for a few days and I miss it. =( I've gotten back to the old bad habit of peeling the skin on my fingers though, and it's just horrible cos it hurts to even press the frets. I was supposed to have stopped long ago but once I started again, I couldn't stop. argh I need to get rid of this. =(

anyway, been doodling quite a bit.. cos I've been going through old stuff, throwing away rubbish etc, and seeing a lot of my old drawing made me want to get back into it again. =)



there's actually lots more but I'm too lazy to scan/upload/not worth seeing anyway. =)

...is a significant number at the moment, since I'm turning 18 in 20 minutes' time, and I ran for 20 minutes today.

yes, after 2-3 weeks of lack of any physical exercise, I decided to hit the treadmill once again. I simply felt like running so I did... I only managed to finish about 2.75km in that time though, which was seriously disappointing because I already felt like collapsing by then. My fitness level apparently dropped that much, in such a short period of time. well, I'm sure I can do better as long as I keep this up. =)

had no chem h3 today! so I reached home early, and picked up my guitar. I decided to try learning the solo piece that I got from Ray Chuan, Aria Suite no.3 by Beethoven if I remember correctly. I heard him playing it yesterday and it turned out that I've heard of the song before! I won't say where because it's a bit embarrassing haha. anyway, it's a reaaaaally hard and complicated piece. =( I only managed to figure out the first 2 lines (which are supposedly the easiest part of the song, oh no) and I'm still not fluent. and there are 2 chords that I have trouble playing because of SHORT fingers. ghghghghg.

decided to try the solo part in vivaldi too, just for the fun of it. the fingering wasn't too hard to figure out thankfully, and I can *sort of* play it but it sounds like crap haha. 

oh yes and I figured out the chords for Everything by Michael Buble, a really really great song.. well actually my brother and his wonderful musical ears figured out most of the chords. but I did figure out the basic notes for the intro, at least. the instrumental is a lot harder to figure out for me though. =( oh well at least I can play most of it now, woohoo =)

went to run today! I'm so proud of myself. =) originally I just wanted to jog at a slow pace for about 20 mins, but at the end of 20 mins I had run 2.7km, which is..really... a very odd number. so I thought, make it even! and ran on till 3km. which can be roughly translated to 7.5 rounds on a normal track, which is also .. weird. so I went on to complete it to a full 8 rounds, which was 3.2km. but THEN by that time I had used up 23+mins, which was also an odd number, so I decided to complete a full 25mins... in the end I ran about the amount that i put in the title, and had to force myself to stop there or I would go on forever really. 

practised a bit of Four Seasons and Girl From Ipanema, just to make sure I could still remember the chords. =P bla. and once again I have come to the end of the day without doing any homework at all =D ...... . T_T

..that's what I am.

because I just spent almost the whole day choosing a new template for this journal. I think I like this one better - it's clean, and brighter-looking. uploaded a new set of avatars too, which hopefully I won't get so tired of too quickly.

a whole week gone by and I haven't run a single meter, or done any form of exercise for that matter. for fear of turning into a lump of lard, i think i better resume my jogging, at least on a weekly basis.

last wednesday we had our first guitar practice after SYF, and it was...funny. the tension of SYF had been lifted off so quickly that we seemed to have forgotten even the tempo for Four Seasons and played it at snail-pace. hope we get back into full swing soon, College Day is just next week! after practice formally ended some of us stayed behind and kian pang taught wanting & me how to play Girl From Ipanema.. which I think is a really cute song haha. so now I know the chords, but I don't really know the timing of the song.. =P 

oh and the Monday before that we met Mr Toh, who said that he can teach us for 1 hour per week on anything we may be interested in... I think it's between learning solos or chords/strumming. frankly I don't mind either, I'm just trying to expand my knowledge on playing guitar as much as possible while I can be under a real teacher.. I don't know/think I'll be taking any formal classes on guitar anymore, there's just too many other things that I want/need to do after A levels. =D

after A levels. aah, yes, the blissful time that every JC student is probably yearning for, except maybe for people who actually enjoy exams and studying for leisure (who hopefully do not constitute too large a percentage of the population). when I met up with denise and novita yesterday we talked about that quite a lot... I think I shall go and compile a List! =) anyway at the very top of my list at the moment is learn how to ride a bicycle. I think it's a very important life skill! I can't imagine being able to drive but not ride a stupid bike. (well actually I can, since I sort of know how to drive now..) =|

NAPFA is over. D:

I PASSED. D:

...well, it was a bit of cheating involved actually...cos the teacher was very slack and I don't think my chin ever reached the metal bar lol. but I dont care... I dont wish my fitness level to be tested by such a torturous and stupid method. =| when I reached 11 pull-ups I was so happy I immediately SPRANG up and let go of the bar hahaha, even though I probably could have done more with such a slack teacher. =D

in the end it was my standing broad jump and stood between me and my gold... sigh. 2 cm!!!!! and for my sit & reach too, I was also 2 cm short of getting an A. =| the number 2 shall be the bane of my existence forever. =| ..haha. well actually I'm not that upset, I'm really very happy that I got a silver, it's just that I have a desire to squeeze something very tightly when I start thinking about how close I was to the gold. x|

anyway, I have to thank my class pple esp anita & yingri and also weijun & YE wanting for their jiayou's and encouragement haha. =D and putting up with my 'OMG IM GOING TO FAILLL'...yeah.... =|

woohoo, I'm freed at last! and the song stuck in my mind is the one on weijun's blog, 'My chains are gone, I'VE BEEN SET FREE..!' ahaha =D

I think I will continue running and whatnot though, I think it helps to release stress sometimes haha =D and I like the feeling of being fit for once haha =D

the day of doom has come. tomorrow is NAPFA. =|

My mind is in a whirl, of many many other things... cos yesterday was our guitar ensemble SYF, and we got our very prestigious GOLD WITH HONOURS award... it was really the most amazing thing .. but I won't go into it cos i turn into mush every time I think about it. 

today we went to the judicators feedback session and it was... very inspiring and encouraging! =) it was quite plain that all five of the judges are very passionate about music, although it wasn't obvious for some of them at first. one of them (Dr Watson! he has the same name as a Sherlock Holmes character! how cool is that) in particular was very very nice and encouraging to us! after pressing him a bit, he said that he recalled our BOTW playing cos he liked it. yay! and he said our transition from Vivaldi to Bridge was executed well. double yay! we were so happy that it was hard to suppress our squeals of happiness haha. =D

so... yes. it worked. we did it.

anyway, during the first part of the session, the judges gave general feedback on how the ensembles did, and how we can improve ourselves. there is a good deal of emphasis on intonation, i guess that's important .. making the guitar sing, like a substitute for your voice.

two of the judges gave stories from their own experience... one of them (can't remember his name) entered some competition in 1981 and won first prize despite using a China-made (no offence to any Chinese nationals) instrument, compared to the other competitors who had good quality instruments from Italy and so on. I couldn't help relating cos our own ensemble members mostly played with low-to-average quality guitars in the $100-200 range except a few who used better quality ones... and we still won over other schools who clearly invested quite a bit in their guitars *cough*SAJC*cough*.

another judge, a guitar player, Mr Alvero (sp?) Sanchez, told us of how he prepared for a competition for 18 months, for 18 hours a day. wow. yeah. that leaves... 6 hours to eat, sleep and bathe. so..yeah, that was just quite inspiring. from now on, if I ever have doubts about whether I'm good enough at anything, I'd tell myself that I'd have to spend just the same amount of time on that thing first, and made sure I've done my absolute best, before I can really judge if I really suck at something. haha. no pain, no gain...

I guess what really keeps people going is the passion, and the love for something. yesterday I was just thinking that whatever I do, I will eventually grow to like it, so it doesn't really matter what path I choose to follow in life. but now, I'm not so sure if that's how it's supposed to work. Maybe it is true, but maybe I will always be unsatisfied knowing that I've put aside the best...maybe permanently.

ok. now back to NAPFA. i'm superly scared and nervous... on wednesday I skipped speech day and stayed home to practise guitar and TRAIN. train train train until my arms didnt feel like arms anymore. it was a desperate, last-minute effort on my part I guess. now there is just no time.. yesterday I was too exhausted and today I'm too scared to exhaust myself in case I won't have the energy to do anything at all tomorrow.

I dunno. I just have no confidence that I can do it at all. even though I have been working on it a LOT... A LOT, really, much much more than last year... but I dunno if it made any difference at all. if it didnt, i would be very disappointed. I guess I'm almost resigned to the fact that I'll have to go back to remedial PE. T_T oh, God.

although I haven't updated for quite a long time now, i have been trying to do some consistent training... a 2.4km run at least once every week and conditioning every night, except for the past few nights because lately i have been feeling like i'm made of jelly. and thats the cause of my worry at the moment... am i having a burn-out? is my body giving up on me? =( i dont really know what i want the answer to be. on one hand, I hope its not true and im really just in a lazy phase... but what if I dont get out of that phase in time? x( the 2.4 test is approaching real fast, this coming tuesday in fact! and the 5 items test is next saturday. on the other hand, i dont like the idea of my body facing a burn out either. x_x i do feel that i still need to train more, what i've done in a few weeks is surely not enough to secure a pass. (yes. i know. sad story of my life. i have to train to the death to PASS, some people can get gold with their eyes closed. talk about unequal distribution of talents.)

i guess what made me feel really insecure was today, when i decided to practise a 2.4 run...and my legs started burning up by the end of the 2nd round. usually i would have the will and the strength to tell myself to keep going, but today i just..gave way. like jelly. i think that made me feel really insecure...

but maybe I just need some rest? after all i've been stressing out over this a lot, maybe I need a break. i dunno. but the more i rest the more stressed I feel, so...haha.

oh well. i will try my best next tuesday nevertheless. we had a mock test last tuesday and I managed to pass, so I hope i can accomplish the same feat again. =) its hard to run with other people around though, its really very distracting. x_x i cant seem to focus on running my best, instead i get caught up in thinking about whether i can catch up with the person in front of me / keep ahead of the person behind me. it sucks, because it really should just be about myself and the track. oh well. i'll try to keep my focus next tuesday.

and as for the 5 items test... i will just continue with my conditioning exercises, i really hope they will help somewhat. im a bit worried about shuttle run though, i dont really know how to train my sprinting and im suuuper slow. =(

in 2 weeks, i meet my DOOM.

yes, napfa is in 2 weeks' time. funny how I'm more nervous about this than Common Tests. -_-

I'm worried not only cos I feel very unprepared, but also cos I don't have much time to train now that SYF practice is on almost every weekday, and my only free weekday is taken up by H3. x_x so I'm pretty much screwed. sigh. I really don't want to go for remedial PE. T_T  in desperation, I'm now doing push-ups and sit-ups every night... and probably run once a week on saturday or sunday. 

oh yes! i should log about yesterday's PE, cos we ran 8 rounds! my timing was pathetic haha but I'm just happy that I managed to finish... I really hope that 2.4 wont give me too much trouble by now really. but I will keep running as much as possible just in case. =|

SYF is getting intense, i feel nervous and excited at the same time. I really like the 2 songs that we're playing now, Four Seasons (Spring) and Bridge Over Troubled Water. I took a longer time to appreciate the first piece, cos it's a classical and I had this cold war thing with classical music for a while, haha, thanks to my piano days. but i do feel that I can appreciate classical music better now, or at least this piece anyway. It's really cool how music can resemble different things! Like birds singing, thunder, etc. my new avatar set is made in appreciation of this wonderful piece of music. =)

Bridge is a very emotional song, it's so me, the emo one, haha. =D it's usually pretty easy to get into the mood of the song, but just today I had a lot of trouble concentrating and all. it was quite frustrating, and i kept making little mistakes that should no longer be made at this point. =( 

being in Guitar Ensemble really makes me wish that I was a more musical person. There are people out there who can compose, improvise, figure out chords, strum the right rhythms, sight read really fast, etc etc. while stupid me can only reproduce something from a score, after a long time of figuring everything out. haha, well... i guess it all may come with years and years of practice, and if only I wasn't so lazy I could become like them too. =) hopefully. =)